Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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