I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think i got beer on your cat.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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