don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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