just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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