Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
