its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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