We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
