i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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