I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize