You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
being pregnant is like rehab
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
