He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
