I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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