I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
