I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
