I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
