i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
