We're like a lot better than the average bears
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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