I'm eating all of the evidence.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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