I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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