i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
