I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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