I'm jealous of your bromance
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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