I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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