Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
