Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
