I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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