my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
