Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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