You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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