do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
