well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
