I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
