We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize