I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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