3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How naked do you want me to be?
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