is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
