3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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