he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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