To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
