the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
