Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize