Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
