Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
