Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
