I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
