i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
