her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just google imaged poop.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
3 2 1 whiskey
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
