If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
