dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
