Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
