is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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