Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
