Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
