and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
