Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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