meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
