He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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