That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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