i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
