I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
