ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
