The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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