Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
