I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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