Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
