Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The uberlube is also flammable
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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