She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
