You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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