so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize