Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
