There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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