Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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