after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
third nipple confirmed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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