My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
