I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
