So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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