Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
