what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize