I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dicks are not precious.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
