I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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