is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
