My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
PANTIES FOUND
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