you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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