i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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