And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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