Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
