HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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