well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
