An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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