Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
