He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize