Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Can Purell be used as lube?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
