then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize