The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
