So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
