I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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