the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
