lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
