I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
